Hi! Im fairly new to this. My question is this - does the first wife have to give consent for the husband to marry a second wife? I can't find a definitive answer in scripture on this issue. Thank you for any scriptural answer for this question. We want to follow God on this issue.
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Hi, you are correct in that there is nothing in scripture by instruction or example that would indicate an existing wife has to give consent for a man to take additional wives. Actually, when we look at the biblical structure of the marriage relationship, we are told the husband is the Head and the wife is to submit to the husband. It would therefore be an inversion of that structure for a husband to be subject to a wife's consent on such a matter. Cheers
Depends on who you ask.
I'm Mormon, we believe in the law of Sarah, where, yes, the current wife or wives are supposed to give approval. I've seen other varieties of Christnas, including folks on here, effectively say "me man, me do what want" though.
I’m not living a plural life so take this as you see fit.
Could, would, should, must, can…
Scripture doesn’t mandate it, but wisdom and domestic management warrants all kinds of considerations before choosing to go directly into the fire of this life in Western culture.
“Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand?” -Luke 14:31
Could, would, should, must, can…
Scripture doesn’t mandate it, but wisdom and domestic management warrants all kinds of considerations before choosing to go directly into the fire of this life in Western culture.
“Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand?” -Luke 14:31
Now that's a novel approach.... use the analogy of preparation for war for the selection of a second wife! That's similar to a preacher who explained why a newly married man wasn't to go to war (Deut. 24:5). He was to stay home so he would learn to fight.
Man_in_the_Middle
Seasoned Member
There is no law of Sarah. There is the law of God and he does not require a husband to ask permission from a wife in order to take another.
If we want to look at biblical examples, there are more of men taking wives than of wives giving their husbands another wife. In fact, a wife cannot give her husband a wife. In the case of Sarah, she could only offer Hagar as an option. The choice was still Abraham's. He is the one that decided to take Hagar as a wife.
Many made vows promising to be exclusive "keeping myself only to her" "forsaking all others" etc.
Without such vows a man would have nothing in the way exactly.....
but like Mojo pointed out, there is much to consider. A second wife is not as simple as adding a second child. Everyone accept families with more than one child but very few calling themselves christian will continue to fellowship with you after you take a second.
One family has continued to be friendly with our children (their daughters writing ours) but this bothers me too. In my experience Christians have those they consider equals for fellowship, and treat Christians they feel superior to as projects that they try to evangelize or support into a better understanding. It annoys me that these said plainly that our family situation was a deal breaker for fellowship....but they seem to be trying to "be there" for our kids.
All while not being able to show us where we are outside the word of God.
So, be aware...all these things can and have broken other marriages. Many only succeed in trading their first for a second.
This is why a supportive first wife may not be biblically required, but is practically speaking necessary if you plan to actually integrate another woman into your family.
Man_in_the_Middle
Seasoned Member
YUP!!
If you can find in the following passage the need to ask permission from a wife, then you should ask permission. But I think we all should steer our wives to a point where she understands what is expected.
When you go out to war against your enemies, and the Lord your God gives them into your hand and you take them captive, and you see among the captives a beautiful woman, and you desire to take her to be your wife, ;and you bring her home to your house, she shall shave her head and pare her nails. And she shall take off the clothes in which she was captured and shall remain in your house and lament her father and her mother a full month. After that you may go in to her and be her husband, and she shall be your wife.
In such a situation I cannot see a man seeing beautiful woman who is a captive. Leaving her behind on foot going through several villages to ask his first wife if she is okay with it. It appears God assumes that a man can make that decision on his own initiative apart from the first wife's approval.
When you go out to war against your enemies, and the Lord your God gives them into your hand and you take them captive, and you see among the captives a beautiful woman, and you desire to take her to be your wife, ;and you bring her home to your house, she shall shave her head and pare her nails. And she shall take off the clothes in which she was captured and shall remain in your house and lament her father and her mother a full month. After that you may go in to her and be her husband, and she shall be your wife.
In such a situation I cannot see a man seeing beautiful woman who is a captive. Leaving her behind on foot going through several villages to ask his first wife if she is okay with it. It appears God assumes that a man can make that decision on his own initiative apart from the first wife's approval.
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If the first wife files for divorce, she has tacitly given him permission to seek another. The closest verse I can find that might prohibit a husband from taking another wife against his first wife's objection is really twisting I Cor 7:4 from it's context, where it is really talking about depriving one another of intercourse. Yet wisdom still advises the husband to seek his first wife's consent.
Man_in_the_Middle
Seasoned Member
I generally agree but not the to the word "consent". That puts it in her hands. He should be wise and teach her so that she understands his options and respects them. But, If your first is going to divorce you if you take another, then you have to make choices based on the legal ability she has to harm you. Some say that divorce is expensive..... Because it is worth it! I am sure that this could be true in some cases, but I have spent a decade teaching my wife and bringing her along the way because I didn't want to exercise this legal option!
She is a keeper!
In your faith. In my faith, there is, it is in D&C 132. So you do you, and I'll do me.
132:34: "God commanded Abraham, and Sarah gave Hagar to Abraham to wife. And why did she do it? Because this was the law; and from Hagar sprang many people. This, therefore, was fulfilling, among other things, the promises." for us, that is *law of God* that you claim doesn't exist. does to us.
If you don't want to observe that, that's fine for you, and I couldn't care less, but it's something to be observed by those of my faith. That's why I said "Depends on who you ask. I'm Mormon, we believe..."
Man_in_the_Middle
Seasoned Member
interesting... So you stand firm on the belief of the Mormons? As the ones with the revelations have given in "your faith"?
From -> https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/dc-testament/od/1?lang=eng
Official Declaration 1
The Bible and the Book of Mormon teach that monogamy is God’s standard for marriage unless He declares otherwise (see 2 Samuel 12:7–8 and Jacob 2:27, 30). Following a revelation to Joseph Smith, the practice of plural marriage was instituted among Church members in the early 1840s (see section 132). From the 1860s to the 1880s, the United States government passed laws to make this religious practice illegal. These laws were eventually upheld by the U.S. Supreme Court. After receiving revelation, President Wilford Woodruff issued the following Manifesto, which was accepted by the Church as authoritative and binding on October 6, 1890. This led to the end of the practice of plural marriage in the Church.
So, "your faith" has banned plural marriage. Is there a newer revelation that has re-instituted plural marriage?
Man_in_the_Middle
Seasoned Member
Back to the key subject that you brought up... The claim that the book of mormon teaches that the law of Sarah is somehow the ability to withhold consent for her husband having multiple wives....
The chapter of the book that you cited says this further down...
64 And again, verily, verily, I say unto you, if any man have a wife, who holds the keys of this power, and he teaches unto her the law of my priesthood, as pertaining to these things, then shall she believe and administer unto him, or she shall be destroyed, saith the Lord your God; for I will destroy her; for I will magnify my name upon all those who receive and abide in my law.
65 Therefore, it shall be lawful in me, if she receive not this law, for him to receive all things whatsoever I, the Lord his God, will give unto him, because she did not believe and administer unto him according to my word; and she then becomes the transgressor; and he is exempt from the law of Sarah, who administered unto Abraham according to the law when I commanded Abraham to take Hagar to wife.
This appears to teach that the wife is required by God to accept those that are given unto him and if she does not, then she is a transgressor and he is no longer bound by the law of Sarah.
So, the whole point of this chapter appears to be Joseph Smith taking his wife Emma to task for not getting on board with him having multiple wives and is trying to use the "voice" of God as his personal advocate for him.
52 And let mine handmaid, Emma Smith, receive all those that have been given unto my servant Joseph, and who are virtuous and pure before me; and those who are not pure, and have said they were pure, shall be destroyed, saith the Lord God.
54 And I command mine handmaid, Emma Smith, to abide and cleave unto my servant Joseph, and to none else. But if she will not abide this commandment she shall be destroyed, saith the Lord; for I am the Lord thy God, and will destroy her if she abide not in my law.
citation -> https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/132?lang=eng
And this is where it gets sticky @UtahLife. This site is called Biblical Families for a reason. While I realize that LDS folks do recognize traditional scripture (66 books and possibly apocrypha), they also recognize additional books not recognized by any other branch of Christian faith.
You often have great content and interesting perspectives but when those perspectives begin to turn towards those additional books, not recognized by the administrators of this site, you will start to get more scrutiny, especially if it stokes contention or is seen as a promotion of those additional and unrecognized books.
Other than as a historical perspective, I think we need to discontinue talk of Sarah, Emma and Joseph at this point.
If only there were dozens of Mormon groups/denominations/sects that were NOT the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints headquartered in Salt Lake City...
Not every Mormon is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, not by a long shot. This only scratches the surface: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_...tter_Day_Saint_movement#Mormon_fundamentalist
But please, give me more examples of how you are wrong...
That's like thinking all Christians adhere to what the Pope says...
Sarah is in the bible and *allows* Abraham to take a second wife...
So are we using the bible or not, pick a lane.
No, according to the biblical text Sarai asked Abram to go into her maid, and Abram listened to her request and had a sexual relationship with the maid. Genesis 16:2, So Sarai said to Abram, “See now, the Lord has restrained me from bearing children. Please, go in to my maid; perhaps I shall obtain children by her.” And Abram heeded the voice of Sarai.
You literally quoted D&C 132. You chose your lane. That’s considered off road around here.
Stick to just the Bible and all will be cool.